the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
