whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize