My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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