I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
