I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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