We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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