i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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