Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
