I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
