yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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