so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
