It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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