i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
