Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
