Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke

Fav 11 2496 1978
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(315): View more from New York

yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...

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(779): View more from Illinois

explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?

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(914): View more from New York

at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?

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