sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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