How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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