She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
