He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
