Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
