I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
