We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
