I am puke
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I forget how to act sober
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