Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
