Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
