did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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