We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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