Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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