Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
