we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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