I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
