I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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