A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
