Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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