i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize