I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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