I want to walk on stilts...naked
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
