I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
