She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
