I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
