he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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