How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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