I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
