i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
