I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
