someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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