Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
