can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
