There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
