I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
