I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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