hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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