P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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