O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS