No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have fence marks all over my body