Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??