He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.