I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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