Yo dont text me then not text me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She announced her abortion via fbk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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