apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
