I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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