im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
